18 / 12 / 2022

i still think of the math teacher that i had during primary 4 (grade 5 for americans) from time to time. i remember fearing that 'math' period on my time table, and waiting for the inevitable to happen. my math teacher would walk in and i would sulk in class for the entire day, hoping that i wouldnt be screamed at by her.

she was fierce, and often times when she would publicly berate me in front of my classmates, my head would constantly think about hitting her in the face. "that short bitch. i want to punch her," it would say, droning out other thoughts, but thankfully i kept my composure and took it all in. sometimes i think that she only applied for the position of a teacher, just because she enjoyed yelling at 10 year olds.

she had posters of self-made acronyms pinned up on the class noticeboard, in big bold letters, and when i saw them being put up it was almost like they were surveying the class liek security cameras, and knowing her nature those who did not comply would be met with punishment. i still remember one that said "PAIN", that was printed in bright red ink. i've only remembered half of what these letters mean, but seeing how it spelt 'pain' now, i dont think that the acronym holds up very well.

these posters were, to my juvenile self, visually jarring. the letters being printed on paper that had an almost alien white, sticking out like a splinter in skin amongst the manila walls of the classroom. these classrooms that were light in hue brought some sort of comfort to me, but having these pieces of paper pinned up on the noticeboard almost looked like those 'big brother is watching' posters that were inspired by george orwell's 1984. acronyms that threaten of expected perfection that you would feel breathing down your neck, making sure to follow them accordingly in order to prevent yourself hearing the teacher scream.

i looked forward to wednesdays because they used to be the day where there was no math, and i did not get to see her. however, one day, when my cohort was in the school hall listening to a talk about moving to secondary 1, they moved forward to announcing the names of teachers that would be transferred to other schools. amongst them was my english teacher. a bright, bubbly woman who knew the ways of writing compositions from a set of 4 pictures and correcting grammar. when the vice principal spoke her name, i could see her laugh playfully at another teacher. i was not sure how to feel about that. she was my favourite teacher, but seeing her almost this happy to go (in the viewpoint of my 10y/o self) left me staring blankly at her.

back at the classroom, my math teacher announced that she would be taking over the english lessons as a result.

i was devastated.

i could hear my friend groan from one side of the classroom amongst many others. indicating our frustration, except for the few teacher's pets that would speak the most posh version of chinese, like a text to speech program. they were looking at each other with eyes that read "this is interesting". the only other term i am able to remember that could describe them is "goody two shoes", and god fucking damn does it fit so well.

i can still remember one memory that still infuriates me to this day. i was called out for laughing too loud. she would compare me to a tenor singer, how these would project their voice to every crevice of the stage. looking back at this now, i feel anger. except that feeling is washed out by the passage of time.

i still remember her name

ms ting. if youre reading this by any chance, your name has been chiselled into the walls of my mind. everytime i see it, a washed-out sense of vitriol runs through my veins. i still hate you.

07 / 02 / 2023

i still remember some good people from that school of mine that i went to, most notably my chinese teacher and the new principal who came in when i was primary 3, i believe. my chinese teacher, from what i could recall, was actually approachable and very friendly. she was very understanding of our young minds, and sometimes she would fall into a joke that the rowdy bunch of kids in my class would make, of which i was one of them. i still remember her voice and face, and her name too. i don't think i would describe her as bubbly, rather she was just an average adult, but she was one of the numerous teachers i actually liked.

there was also another teacher that had to substitute in for my english teacher once, and the way she explained ways to write stuff in english was "god-tier", as described by my classmate once. she makes it look so easy, and the whole class, though silent, i would assume instantaneously understood what she had said. that's how good she was at teaching, and my class was envious of the other class who had her as her form teacher. my english teacher at that time, to me would be like "here. homework. do it." she was pretty cool.

my principal is the reason i believe in people with kindred spirits. in many ways she shared similarities with my chinese teacher, and i generally would not mind her just standing in my general vicinity. shoutout ms tabitha

20 / 10 / 2023

hey guys! here to update my journal again. i've just recently finished the nichijou anime, and i recommend it if you like cute stuff, funny scenarios and genuinely impressive animation. anyways, im planning to watch this movie with some friends that i made from primary school. never saw it yet, but i think it should be a great film to watch given its reviews. i'll report back on how the movie was

21 / 10 / 2023

eh it was ok

04 / 02 / 2024

your boy got a free 1 year of nitro for saying "i'd draw for nitro tbh"

23 / 06 / 2024

hello, im back for a quick life update. i applied for an early position in a polytechnic for a course i reaaaaaaly wanna get into and i prepared a portfolio for it. now im just going to wait for any email from them as i rot away in school i guess